I know we've been talking a lot about the in-person opportunities we have coming up around here, but there are also some virtual opportunities, outside what I do at the BFA, that you can partake in if you'd like. Here are a few of those upcoming:

I'll be speaking at the Wayfinder Summit on October 15-17, which is like a writing retreat, but virtual. It's a very cool idea and they've worked hard to make it affordable. Check that out if you'd like!

I'm also speaking at the PNWA online version of their conference (they do a virtual before the in-person) and I'm very excited to get connected at the Pacific Northwest Writers Association. I've heard great things.

I'm also doing a super secret romantasy conference (only secret because it's not announced yet... as soon as it gets announced, we'll put it on our Events page) on the 4-6 of December, which I'm very excited about. I'm going to be launching into Trope Architecture again, there, and kicking off some new things in that arena. Very excited about it.

And then we have a new thing happening for Strengths Development on the Patreon starting in November (after we round out the 34 Strengths we've been doing, with Intellection in October), where we deep dive into how to use your Full34 Report. I'm super excited about that. It will probably also lead into doing some virtual experimentation with the in-person Intensives we did over the summer (which were a huge blast, and super helpful).

Before we get into the Dear Becca letter for the week, I also want to let you know that I am starting a series of articles on the gifts of the Enneagram types on my Substack. We started with Fours today. Check it out if you're interested! Three Practices We Can Learn from Enneagram Fours.​

And now, here's the Dear Becca letter of the week! Our favorite topic... burnout. <3

Dear Becca,

What would your advice be to someone with a stressful non-writing day job which is getting in the way of making as much progress as an author? I burnt out at Christmas doing both and want to give up the day job as soon as possible (starting to hate it ) but I’m not earning enough as an indie author (a job I love everything about including marketing) yet but doing well so far as a newbie. I could take an unpaid sabbatical but is that just an enormous gamble. Currently off sick with stress as the dreaded burnout took me down yet again. Sorry… feel like that was a lot of questions. How do you wrestle with making the right choices while in burnout?

- Anonymous

Dear Writer,

Thank you so much for asking this question, and I have to be honest that my advice two years ago and my advice today are very different, because of the changes in the job market. Two years ago, I would have said, "as long as you can genuinely afford to not work for some time, I would rather see you get a different job than one that is burning you out this badly." And I still do want to say that, of course, but it's not as easy to find jobs as it was, with everyone cutting and everything getting more expensive, so I also understand if your instinct is to ignore that advice. But depending on whether or not it would be easy to find another job for you (in your industry), I would say, "would another job be better than this job?"

If your boss, for instance, is the source of the stress, that might mean a different job in the same industry would be less stressful.

If your industry is the source of the stress, though, it's not going to be any better in another job, unless you find a unicorn, and in that case, I wouldn't assume it will be better.

If your mindset is the source of the stress (expecting things to be a way they can't be; expecting people to act in a way they can't act; expecting outcomes to be a way they can't be, etc.), then there's work you can do there to re-form your expectations so there will be less stress.

But also, some job types are inherently stressful for certain people. I coached someone this year who had the exact worst type of personality you could possibly have for the combination of boss, job, industry, and expectations and they honestly couldn't leave the job without making some major changes to their lifestyle.

And at that point, I absolutely asked, "could you change your lifestyle?"

Because that's the other option. If I've got all the subscriptions and eat out all the time and travel a lot, I have expendable income I can cut back on pretty significantly, without a danger to my Maslow's needs. And if the job is bad enough, it might be worth a lifestyle change (or a move), to get away from the reliance on the job.

And if the fear is not about paying the bills, but instead bout something "else" (something you can't quite put your finger on), I would go see Claire Taylor at the Liberated Writer and do some Enneagram work with her. She's great at untangling those things.

Ultimately, in this industry, there are a lot of things we can do, and a lot of things we can't do. We can't control the market. We can't control the national economy. And those things impact our ability to make choices.

But what we also can't do is survive when life continues to burn us out. Either we have to find a different version of life (leave the job, leave the marriage, leave the country, leave the family, leave the industry), or we have to find a way to thrive in spite of the stress.

We can try to change our mindset (release the expectations that things should be different and embrace the reality of what is, and find the good where we can find it).

We can try to change our situation (quiet quitting, requesting a transfer, asking for the job to change, asking to go down to part time, applying for new jobs, finding a part-time job).

But ultimately, we can't continue to burn ourselves out over and over, and also not have time to do the things that really matter to us.

So while I can't say, "leave the job," in the same way I used to, I also can't say, "stay no matter what." Especially in jobs that are not serving you, and where you're not feeling compelled to stay. I'm always going to encourage you to have at least a part-time job of some kind if you can. Even if it's just something like working at Starbucks. Just to keep the pressure off the writing (very few people thrive by putting pressure on the writing). But also, I would look for what can change in the situation to help you not burn out as much.

What is it, specifically, that's causing the burnout, and is there a way to make the job have less of that? Is there a way to provide more support for yourself inside the job? Can you ask for a change?

And if all those answers are "no," and there's no chance it will get better... I would definitely be asking the question about, "can I change my lifestyle" and then, "can I afford to stay?" (Rather than, "can I afford to leave?") That one question might change the answer completely.

I hope this was helpful! As always, if you need coaching, we have lots of coaches who are capable of coaching burnout, and Nikki Haverstock runs a Burnout Topical call each month to help answer questions about burnout and recovery. It's coming up on the 18th of this month. Please consider checking that out as well.

I wish you all the best. And let's all go open the manuscript together.

<3 Becca <3

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